Week 3 Follow-Up

Assignment & Assessment

Dear Couples,

Thank you for joining us for Week 3 of our We Still Do marriage journey! We pray that Sunday’s lesson, “Learning to Fight for Our Relationship—Not Against Each Other,” encouraged you to approach conflict with wisdom, grace, respect, and self-control.

Every relationship will experience conflict. The strength of a relationship is not determined by whether disagreements happen, but by how couples respond when they do. This week, we learned that healthy couples attack the problem—not each other—and choose restoration over winning.

As part of your Week 3 participation, please complete the following assignments before our next class.

Week 3 Assessment

Week 3 Connection Conversation

Set aside 30 uninterrupted minutes this week. Turn off the television, silence your phones, and intentionally focus on each other.

Part 1 – Understanding Our Conflict Patterns

Take turns answering each question. Allow your partner to finish speaking before responding.

1. When conflict happens, what is your normal reaction: addressing the issue immediately, becoming defensive, withdrawing, raising your voice, or trying to avoid the conversation?
2. What tone, words, or actions make you feel disrespected or emotionally unsafe during a disagreement?
3. What helps you feel heard, understood, and respected when we disagree?

Part 2 – Fighting for the Relationship

Discuss these questions together.

4. What is one conflict habit we need to stop because it damages our connection?
5. What is one healthy communication habit we can begin practicing together?
6. How can we remind each other that we are on the same team when a disagreement begins?
7. What phrase can we use when one of us needs time to pause, calm down, and return to the conversation respectfully?

Soft Answer Activity

Harsh words often create defensiveness, while soft answers invite understanding. Read each statement and work together to replace it with a respectful response.

Statement 1

“You never listen to me!”

Rewrite: “When I am speaking and feel unheard, I feel ____________________. I would like us to ____________________.”

Statement 2

“You always make everything about yourself!”

Rewrite: “When ____________________ happens, I feel ____________________. I need us to ____________________.”

Statement 3

“You are lazy and never help!”

Rewrite: “I feel overwhelmed when ____________________. It would help me if we could ____________________.”

Statement 4

“There is no point in talking to you!”

Rewrite: “I want us to resolve this, but right now I am feeling ____________________. Can we ____________________?”

After completing the activity, discuss which words or phrases helped make the statements feel less accusatory and more solution-focused.

Our Conflict Pause Plan

A healthy pause is not abandonment, punishment, or the silent treatment. It is a temporary break that allows both partners to calm down and return to the conversation with self-control.

Complete the following together:

• Our pause phrase will be: ______________________________
• The normal length of our pause will be: ____________________
• We agree to return to the conversation by: ____________________

During the pause, we agree that we will not:

• Send angry or insulting messages.
• Threaten divorce or separation.
• Post about the disagreement.
• Involve unnecessary family members or friends.
• Use silence as punishment.
• Bring up past mistakes to gain an advantage.

During the pause, we may:

• Pray.
• Take deep breaths.
• Write down our thoughts.
• Take a short walk.
• Ask God for wisdom and self-control.
• Consider our partner’s perspective.

Our Rules of Engagement

Review each statement together and agree that these will become part of your relationship’s conflict-resolution plan.

We agree that:

• We will lower our voices.
• We will not call each other names.
• We will not threaten divorce or separation during arguments.
• We will focus on one issue at a time.
• We will not bring up old mistakes to gain an advantage.
• We will not embarrass one another publicly.
• We will not mock, interrupt, or use sarcasm.
• We will not use personal vulnerabilities as weapons.
• We will take responsibility when we are wrong.
• We will pause when necessary and return to the discussion.
• We will pursue understanding instead of winning.
• We will pray together after resolving serious disagreements.

Add one additional rule that your relationship needs:

____________________________________________________________

Couple Reflection

After completing your conversation together, discuss the following:

• What did you learn about how your partner experiences conflict?
• What is one behavior you need to change to protect your partner emotionally during disagreements?
• What can the two of you do to make conflict feel less like “me against you” and more like “us against the problem”?
• What is one commitment you are making before God to handle conflict in a healthier way?

We Still Do Covenant

Before closing your time together, hold hands and read this covenant aloud.

Share the Journey

One of the greatest gifts you can give another couple is the opportunity to strengthen their relationship.

If this session blessed you, we encourage you to invite another married, engaged, or seriously dating couple to join our We Still Do six-week experience. It is never too late to invest in a stronger, healthier, Christ-centered relationship.

Marriage Ambassador Challenge

Invite a couple who:

• Registers for the course
• Participates in the six-week experience
• Successfully completes the program

When they complete the course, you will receive one entry into our Marriage Ambassador Grand Prize Drawing for each couple that completes the program!

Every couple deserves the opportunity to renew their covenant, rebuild their connection, and rediscover the celebration found in a Christ-centered relationship. Help us spread the message that strong marriages build strong families, strong churches, and strong communities.

Thank you again for investing in your relationship. Every soft answer, intentional pause, sincere apology, act of forgiveness, and decision to pursue peace strengthens the foundation God is building between you.

Remember: the goal is not to win the argument. The goal is to protect the relationship, resolve the problem, and restore the connection.

We look forward to seeing you at our next session!

With Love,
Pastors Terry & Tina Egans
Married4Life Ministry
New Light Church